Why One Wife ?

The Question

This question may sound bizarre. It may even suggest something is wrong with the person asking it.

But, if you are asking it, I want to affirm nothing is wrong with you.

In any case, if we can consider a person not crazy to ask, “Why is there only One God?”, he is surely not crazy to ask “Why is there only One Wife?”.

Not a Question of Morality

Before I start answering this, I also want to make clear what this answer is NOT going to be about - morality.

Morality studies the right or wrong behind an intention or an action. We are past that question here. To borrow the famous language of the United States Declaration of Independence - We hold this truth to be self evident that, it is good for a man to have only one wife.

So, what then is the question we are pursuing here ? We are pursuing the question of “Why”. Why is it that way ?

The Answer: Love

The simple answer is, a man’s decision to have one and only one wife, is an act of love. Furthermore, it is an act of love that is continuously lived.

If we can believe that life is all about growing in love, then we will be well on our way to appreciate the goodness of this.

If so, the only thing that remains is to show that desiring One Wife is indeed an act of love ¹.

In any case, I am sure, once everything is said and done, it will become clear beyond any doubt that, a life thus lived was truly worth it and so much more.

Knowing vs. Understanding

What we have seen above is that the question of “Why one wife” is easily answered by appealing to love.

Actually, that conclusion was easily reached by simple reasoning. In fact, I would argue it is implicitly understood by everyone, all the time.

But knowing and understanding are different things. Understanding requires assent, knowing doesn’t.

What impedes us from giving our assent ? To answer this question, it is illustrative to look at how our first parents handled a similar situation.

The First Deception

The snake said to the woman - “You certainly will not die! God knows well that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, who know good and evil.”.

We see here, our first parent Eve, being confronted with the plan for the first mutiny.

What is most striking is that, this is the last statement ever uttered in that dialogue between the snake and the woman. Eve’s disobedience simply followed without any objection. Why was the snake so effective ?

Understanding this will give us insights into why we, Eve’s descendants, struggle with the principle of love.

The fundamental attempt here by the snake is to get Eve to mistrust God. In that regard, the specifics of what was said hardly matters. The arguments make sense only under the premise that God cannot be trusted.

That is why, what the snake fundamentally accomplished here is nothing but a deception.

We, Eve’s descendants, struggle with the principle of love because, just like Eve, we are so easily deceived. We fool ourselves by thinking we are engaging in rational discernment, but fundamentally we are operating under the same wrong assumption - that, God cannot be trusted. As long as we do that, we will continue to reach mistaken conclusions and thus struggle to understand why the principle of love seems not to make sense.

Thus deceived, any exclusivity feels like a loss of freedom rather than a liberation into rightly ordered love.

Grace

This is where the particular grace received through the Sacrament of Marriage becomes so important.

Grace is God’s own life poured into our hearts, quietly healing our desires and elevating our capacity to love beyond what we could ever sustain by sheer willpower. It strengthens the weakened will, clears the clouded mind, and slowly reorders what we find attractive, so that fidelity no longer feels like a cage but begins to appear as a participation in God’s own faithful love. We still truly choose, but our choosing is being restored from the inside out.

By opening ourselves to that grace, even our weak human wills, can truly start to desire - with all our hearts and minds - what God always desires.

A Closing Prayer

Thank you for reading. Let me leave you with the following song,

More love,
More power,
More of You in my life.

And I will worship You,
With all of my heart,
With all of my mind,
With all of my strength,
For You are my Lord.